ever dis-owned a family member?

[miffy]

I need to vent.........




Got a christmas card from my Brother today, (Not DJDave) My other brother that has not had much to do with me or my family for 30 years. (his choice)

Last year we lost our mother. He lived in the same town as her and never stopped over there to help her with anything. I would drive 100 miles to go up and help her put up her mail box etc. what ever she needed. And she was a proud woman and would not ask for help.

Anyway the Christmas Card reads..


I think you obtained 2000.00 of Moldy Money from our Mother's Basement. But it is over....... You and you Family have a Great Holiday

Best Wishes,
Bernard Yantz


My mother was living on a fixed income. And he did all the paperwork for us to find out she had no money. And If I would have known how little money she had I would have been sending her a check each month.

At first I was Hurt, then I was Mad, Now I could give a rip if I ever see or speak to him again. He is Dis-owned from my life. I think he has mental issues.:flip:


How many others have just Dis-Owned a family member?

[Blackjackbender]

yes i have.

[Grandman]

As MIff knows , i have ended all comunications with 1 sister 1 brother years ago .

I have 1 son who is on the edge of the same treatment .

This whole business of you can pick friends but your stuck with family is a crock .

If your goal is to screw me over being a relative will not stop the wrath of G man .

[Immortal]

Sorry to hear that Miff. That is such a shame. Its like your own brother doesn't even know you...

[Walley Gator]

Miffy & G-Man
Yes I can relate to you feeling very well for I've not seen or heard from my two half sisters shorty after our Mother passed away three year ago. We always kept in touch and did things while Mom was alive and Mom made me the executor of the will being the only son with three sisters. (My other sister is my twin) I believe everything should be equal no matter what the situation is and the two sister got there nose out of joint and therefore chose not to speak to me after all said and done. They also had issue when there Aunt was alive and I told them I didn't want that happen to us, but they chose it.
I know I did right and I've no reget except to let other people know chose someone outside the family to be the executioer period,
Thank you Miffy, this is the first time I've ever vented outyside my family. Also don't worry my twin and I we keep in touch all the time. She live in Australia for the last 33 years.

[yogi]

been there did that life a bitch and so was she

[Grandman]

I try to tell Miff its just the way it is . In this case she kicked his butt in the game of life , he's a sore looser .

Nobody wants to admit there little sister beat them up .

[Just a Spouse]

Yes, my parents. Quite gladly too! One of the best things I have ever done:thumbsup::woot:

[Duramax04]

Yes, a mother and a brother so far. No regrets, they are both crazy.

Sorry Sam, I know you wanted to have your way with my mom, but I refuse to expose you to her craziness ;)

[kerryann]

I sometimes take time off from my relationship with my mom. Sometimes we get along but sometimes she does things that upsets me.
I basically disowned the whole side of my dads family about ten years ago, and sometimes honestly I regret it. It is easier though, because there have always been some issues. At this point I dont even think I am making a concious effort not to see them or talk to them. When I am around them I am uncomfortable because I don't know them well.
I have a hard time staying mad at people though, it really isnt worth my effort.

[Evil Queen]

I haven't spoken to my brother in 3 years. It is a difficult situation at best. I don't regret my decision, but I pray for he and his (bitch)wife and a resolution daily. Even though I was the one wronged, I have tried several times to remedy the chasm between us. The pain is gone now, and I try to remember the good times.

Miff, my thoughts and prayers are with you. If you are like me you will vacillate between hurt and anger for quite some time. Time does heal all wounds. My parish priest taught me that while it is part of our faith to forgive, it doesn't mean we have to be doormats!

[Jeepr]

I keep trying to dis-own my wife, but it's hard when you live in the same house..


Sorry to hear about your brother. It sounds like he may have stability issues. Maybe he just wants re-assurance that there really was no money. Maybe he has some bad information from someone else? I would call and ask him. Then explain (calmly) how crazy his idea is. Life is too short, why fight. The fact that he didn't help with your mother shows what a poor person he is, in my opinion.

[icemanii]

Well, my kids are 21 and 19 and have never met my brother. Nor do we talk about him. Some family is better forgotten than tolerated.

[UPNORTH]

Tell him,' hell ya you got the money and had a great party.' To bad he was not invited.

Even after dis-owning a family member you should stay just close enough to rub there face into it once and a while. That is what I do and I fell better alot if you know what I mean. Ya the world is great.

[da20]

13 years ago my dad and I got into a fight over my ex-wife, see he feels that if you take a wife then its for life, that is after he and my mother got divorced 30years ago....:flip:

[nick_n_ii]

I have 1 brother that I won't even consider Family and my father and I havn't spoke in about 6 months his choice....

[Tombs]

Holy shit Miff. On the verge of it as we type. Imagine this, a brother 43 yrs old. Thinks he has his own business but in reality dont. And has never been away or had a real job. Because if he did, he would not be still living with mama. Oh, did I mention rent free and contributes absolutly nothing . I mean bills or food or anything. I pay all mothers bills and he is supposed to give me money for his cable and internet and a number of other things in which i have to go ask for it every month. So today I went to get it, and the same as always, well I dont have it yet. So I told him dont be supprised if his super high speed internet gets cut off. Well, he just got one big attitude about the whole thing. I hope he has good morning with NO internet. Haha on him. The cell phone is next then the cable. I just cant seem to deal with this very well, but as long as I have power of attorny over my mother and I pay her bills, I guess he will have to learn that if you cant pay......... you cant play. Now last year when we made this deal he promised me that the 1st of every month I would have the money. He hasnt been on time not once. He is nothing but an absolute mooooch. And I dont think I should have to go beg for it every month. So I thought I would just run this like a business.
Sorry 'bout all this but I am just really pissed off right now.
And the reason for all this is, because my mother was diagnosed vascular dementia.

So yes, he is on his way out as far as I am concerned.

[sglide]

I'm sorry to here this miff, i remember what a hard time you went through while your mom was sick, and how sad you were when she passed, and now to have a brother salt wounds and add more at the same time is shitty
if he lives near where you mom lived that means he is only 30 min. away from me, say the word and ill kick two G's worth of shit out of him

[Sandals]

My Older Sister,

Had mental instability or something/ basically a brat from teenage years. (me and my other sister turned out great etc)
Worked at and got fired from probally every fast food restaurant in Kzoo, had her first kid at 19, got married to a piece of scum.
Had second kid 3 years later and finaly realizes she married a loser who had reached his life's ambition of being a fry cook, gets divorce.
(whole time my parents raise the kids half the time, offer help, to move back in etc, nothing)
Moves in with another guy almost immediately (he's actually a good catch, good job etc) nice guy, get married have another kid a few years later.

Well 4(maybe 5) years ago she announced she wanted a divorce and didn't want custody (remember 2 of the kids aren't even his) she leaves him stranded, loses his house etc, he's just finally back on his feet again, kids are doing great etc.
We hear absolutely NOTHING from her until this fall she contacted my sister.
Hasnt talked to her kids, sent them a letter, a card anything.
If i ever see her again I will beat her face in, and god help me if i have a gun with me because she will end up in a wheelchair suffering for the rest of her life.

[Cyco]

Sometimes friends are better family than actual family members.


Good luck Miffy.

[Roadhouse]

Yes many........oh well I guess thats what happens growing up in a family full of alcoholic german/irishmen.

[Grandman]

Yes many........oh well I guess thats what happens growing up in a family full of alcoholic german/irishmen.

Drunks !

We have some of those on both sides , hers and mine :marv:

All kidding aside your stories are going to make her feel better . She has high hopes there is a fully functional family somewhere but its none of us it appears :hehe:

[Duffman]

Yes, and it sucks.

But you have to do what's right for you and yours - especially when kids are involved.

[miffy]

Yes many........oh well I guess thats what happens growing up in a family full of alcoholic german/irishmen.


:hehe: put some english and indian in that german/irish mix and you have my family.:lol::lol:


My other Brother told me DJDave to buy 2000.00 worth of T-Paper and think of him every time I wipe..:lol:

I am better now. thanks everyone you did make me feel better. He has had issues with me sence we were kids. he is the middle child and has always dis-liked me due to I was the only girl and the youngest. I look at it as its his problum not mine. I have a great hubby, family, and friends. The sun will come up in the AM and it will be a new day.:thumbsup:

[Evil Queen]

My two girlfriends up here have fully disfunctional families as well. We had a bumper sticker we used to "award" to each other for custody. It said "my family is more disfunctional than your family". Whoever was going through the worst time got the sticker.

Then about 4 years ago we came up with the idea "pick a family". We are now all a part of this "new family". We have a Christmas celebration, celebrate birthdays, weddings, and we refer to each other as our pick a family. When some one asks, we explain that these are the people we would have chosen had God let us "Pick a family".

[MuddyPaws 3.0]

I stopped talking to my Mom many years ago and didn't talk to her for about 12 years. We talk now, but it just isn't the same. She just isn't Mom anymore.

[PeteC]

There have been times over the years when I have broken contact with members of my family for periods of time and for a variety of reasons. Basically held a grudge for one slight or another. Not an easy thing to do when you really do care about the people.

Everything has been put aside and we all realize these small differences are not worth losing family over.

Now, on JoAnn's side, there are things that have happened that have changed the family dynamic forever. The ones we see we get along with. There is one that irritates me every time I think of him. And one that I prefer never to see or talk to again. It is unfortunate, but that family has been through a lot over the years. I am just glad she turned out as normal, grounded and stable as she did.

As has been said, you need to make the choices that are right for you and yours. Once you marry and have kids, they become your life. Even parents and siblings become secondary. A close second maybe, but still not as important as the family you chose and bore.

[Cyco]

I am just glad she turned out as normal, grounded and stable as she did.


Yeah but then she married you. You introduced her to us. She'll never be the same again.:hehe::hehe:

[PeteC]

Yeah but then she married you. You introduced her to us. She'll never be the same again.:hehe::hehe:



:hehe::hehe::hehe:

Ain't that the truth

:hehe::hehe::hehe:

[Sandals]

I think too the more "perfect" or Functional that a family appears like on the outside the more screwed up it all is on the inside.


I have some in-laws that confirm my theory

[Mrclean]

I have a sister that I wish to never see again. Sometimes it just best to out the problem all together. She is a negative influence and I would rather not have her around my young children/family. There are better things to enjoy (kids/grandkids) than worry about troubled family members.

I am sorry to hear this Miffy, especially after you and G-man have been through so much in this last year with your mom. Hopefully with your brother being the way he is, it'll be the last chapter on that part of life. I wish you both the best.

[Ice Princess]

I have dis-owned family.... Sometimes you have to, they actually will make the decision for you and not even realize what they've done.
I actually have a few "dis-owned" family members. If you continue to try with them, they will only suck the life right out of you! If you want a "normal" happy life for the rest of your family, sometimes, that is what you have to do. It's better then killing them and spending the rest of your life in prison. :thumbsup:

[Red]

Sorry to hear about your troubles... don't worry as you can see from these posts you are not alone. My older sister has been jealous of me since I came home from the hospital over 30 years ago. Her and I had words about her controlling, manipulative personality about 8 years ago. I was no longer willing to allow her to bully me. On the rare occassion that we run into each other at a dog show... I am civil to her and will say hello... most of the time she ignores me.
About 4 years ago.... something happened between our parents and my sister... it did not even involve me (it's a long story) and in my sister's warped mind it became my fault. My sister gave our parents an ultimatum...she told them it was her or me... she told them that if they had anything to do with me, she would have nothing to do with them.
Can you imagine your own child telling you to choose? (FYI ~ I lived 4 hours away while my sister lived just down the road from them).

Anyway, since she was trying to force them to choose between their only two children... they told her to grow up and when she came to her senses, she knew where to find them. Now four years later, our parents have retired and moved to British Columbia. My sister still does not speak to me and rarely speaks to our parents. I used to be mad and angry towards her for bullying me growing up ... now I just feel sorry for her... she has cut herself off from her only family.
So while I have not dis-owned a family member... my sister has dis-owned me and our parents.

[PetalMel]

Yeah but then she married you. You introduced her to us. She'll never be the same again.:hehe::hehe:


exactly....JoAnn is a much better person because of us.... :hehe: Just kidding, Pete, you know I love you tons .....



Sorry to hear that your brother is being so petty, Miff. I'm an only child and have been sheltered from all this kind of stuff. My dad and his brother never got along, and I think that if he could have, my dad would have just dropped contact with him. he tolerated him for his mom's sake, but once my grandma passed and the estate was settled, we never heard from my uncle. His girlfriend called me to let me know he had died, and my dad didn't seem too upset. Kinda surprised he lasted as long as he did, actually.


Anyway, family squabbles are always sad but seem to be unavoidable. If it is any consolation, it seems like you aren't the only one who is struggling with things. Take heart, you did a great job with your mom--it shows in how you treat others.

[brewmenn]

Sorry to hear...

I guess my immediate family's pretty normal. We mind our own business and see each other on holidays and a few other times a year and get along fine.

I did have a piece-o-crap child molesting minister uncle (Dad's sister's husband) that I didn't care to ever see ever again but he's dead now.

[Grandcherokee]

Sister in Law..........Low esteem piece of Crap......."BooHoo feel sorry for me" She is walking scum...It's my brothers 3 rd wife. I would'nt have no problem if he went for # 4

I am the only one in my family who lives away...........and I hate going home for the Holidays.
It was hard when I was first married .My Husband was a only child and thrived for Family type Holidays.....It was fine for the first few years........ It's best that it fell apart only after he passed away.
It's very hard to blend familys after a death or remarriage.
I have a new start, but it's so darn hard to make everyone happy during the Holidays. I just asoon stay home and not have to be pulled in 10 diffrent directions !