Lil Johnny Jokes

[HURF]

Lil Johnny will ZAP em every time.

The teacher asked the class to use the
word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight.":thumbsup:

The teacher sat down and cried.

[Cyco]

:lol::lol::lol:


One day little Johnny ran up to his Pa and asked "Hey, Pa, how come when the chicken died, it laid on it's back with it's legs in the air?"

Pa, thinking fast, answered "Well, son, you see it did that so it'd be easy for God to reach down and take the chicken by the legs and haul him on up to heaven."

Later that week, when Pa came back from a trip to the feed store, little Johnny ran up to him. "Pa! Pa! Ma almost died today!" exclaimed little Johnny.

"Slow down, son, and tell me what happened." said Pa.

"Well, I was going upstairs to get my baseball glove, and when I walked past your room, Ma was on her back with her legs in the air, just like the chicken! She was yelling 'Oh, I'm coming! I'm coming!' and if it hadn't been for Uncle Steve holding her down, we'd a lost her for sure!"

[Cyco]

Mrs. Jones' 1st grade class had just gotten back from spring break, and she was asking her students what they did over break.

When asked what she did, little Julie replied, "I went to the farm and saw the Moo Moo."

Mrs. Jones smiled and replied, "That's great Julie, but use big people words. You went to the farm and saw the cow. "

She then turned to Melissa and asked what she did over break.

Melissa blurted out, "I went on the Choo Choo with mommy and daddy."

Mrs. Jones smiled again and replied, "That is great Melissa, but remember to use big people words. You went on the train with mom and dad."

Lastly, Mrs. Jones looked across the room and pointed to Johnny. "What did you do during your break, Johnny?"

Johnny, who had had his hand raised, puffed out his chest, smiled and replied, "Over spring break, I read Winnie the Shit."

[h8pvmnt]

Little Johnny's parents were invited over to the neighboors house to see their new born baby
Little Johnny's father warned him "The baby was born without ears, one word about it from you & you'll regret it"
Little Johnny agreed, so they went next door
After his parents told the new parents how lovely their new born was Johnny asked "May I ask a question" Johnny's father winced when the neighboors said yes.
"Does he have good eyesight" asked Johnny
"Why" asked his father somewhat relieved

" Because if he needed glasses he'd be screwed"

[h8pvmnt]

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead
the discussion of the word "tragedy". So the
illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an
example of a "tragedy".


One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best
friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field
and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead,
that would be a tragedy."

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an
accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus
carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing
everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al.
"That's what we would call a great loss. " The room
goes silent. No other children volunteered.


Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone
here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises
his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane
carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were
struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that
would be a tragedy."

Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's
right. And can you tell me why that would be a
tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be
an accident either”.

[Jeepr]

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa..

"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.

"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

[Cyco]

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead
the discussion of the word "tragedy". So the
illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an
example of a "tragedy".


One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best
friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field
and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead,
that would be a tragedy."

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an
accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus
carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing
everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al.
"That's what we would call a great loss. " The room
goes silent. No other children volunteered.


Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone
here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises
his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane
carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were
struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that
would be a tragedy."

Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's
right. And can you tell me why that would be a
tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be
an accident either”.

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

that's a good one:thumbsup: